


Potato Patch Dreams

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Crack Relationships, F/M, Gardens & Gardening, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 06:29:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3640248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don’t judge Erwin. He is not as scary as everyone thinks. Well, unless you mess with his One True Love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Potato Patch Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> I am not sure what this is exactly. It was my friend's idea to write a one shot based on a relationship of two randomly determined characters. And that's how I ended with with Sasha/Erwin. I may do other crackships later, but we will see...  
> And I'm really sorry Erwin...really sorry.

Most people at Sina High School could agree about one thing about Erwin Smith: he was an enigma. His calm and calculating gaze swept across those before him, causing the ones it landed upon to shift in discomfort and scramble down the nearest hallway to complete some task they had just remembered. Rumors spread like wildfire, none of which he bothered to confirm or deny. One week it was that the CIA had recruited him to find the Russian spy at the high school. The next? it was that he himself was the Russian spy, who had fooled the CIA into believing that he could be trusted.  
The only ones who actually knew Erwin Smith were his equally scary friends: Levi Ackerman and Hanjii Zoe. The former was famed for his permanent scowl and his legendary fighting skills despite his short stature. The later was known for her wild eyes, high pain tolerance and crazily dangerous science experiments. (Yes everyone knew it had been her idea to test the effects of bleach on snakes, but no, no one could prove it).

Therefore, it was not surprising that no one understood that Erwin longed for an appreciation of the simpler aspects of life. More accurately, he longed for someone with whom he could share his appreciation of his one true love: baked potatoes.  
He had tried to explain his feelings to his friends, but they failed to understand.  
“Potatoes as in … potato batteries?” Hanji had asked, and then started on a long monologue about her experiences in electrocuting fruits and vegetables. Erwin had been too disheartened to interrupt her.  
Levi had likewise made his disinterest very clear (his eyebrow twitch spoke more than 1000 words).

So Erwin resigned himself to upholding his public image of cold calculating logic while painstakingly tending his own personal potato patch, hidden in his backyard, his personal realm of peace and serenity.

Until one day.

When his world fell apart.

In (although he did not realize it at the time) the best way possible.

It was an ordinary Saturday morning. Erwin woke up, scrolled through the 500 facebook messages Hanjii had left him at 3:00 am, talking about her plan to genetically modify rats and introduce them to the neighborhood sewage system. Sighing, he mentally planned out the alibi he could construct to get her out of trouble should she get caught. After showering, dressing, eating breakfast, and finishing his calc homework he was finally ready for his favorite part of the day: surveying his garden.  
Starting with the bell pepper plants and then the carrots he finally worked his way to the most prized sector, the potatoes. they were all coming up beautifully, and in less than a week they would be ready to be harvested. The leaves were a beautiful shade of green...but wait...didn’t he have more potatoes than this only yesterday??

Erwin looked around in panic...where could they have gone? He had meticulously protected against animals with the chicken wire he had installed, insects were out of the question with the number of pesticides he used (he knew it was better to go organic but he couldn’t bear the thought of the pests eating his beloved potatoes).

That left only one possibility: there was a thief. 

Erwin dropped to his knees and examined the small hole in the earth where one of his three missing potato plants had used to live. With effort he pushed back his anguish: there would be time to grieve later, right now, it was time to protect the living. In war, casualties were to be expected, all that mattered was who ultimately prevailed.  
A vaguely malicious smile spread across Erwin’s face. 

Was he not Erwin Smith?

Perhaps the rumors about him were not so unfounded after all…

***  
Another thing that could be said about Erwin Smith with confidence was that he was a brilliant tactician. How else would Hanjii have been able to complete all of her illegal experiments without ever being caught or punished....  
The thief really should have known better.  
Erwin laid out his trap. now he just had to wait for the thief to come back.  
***  
Sasha Braus was never known for her foresight. What she was known for was her insatiable love of food. Any food. If it was edible, Sasha loved it (except mushrooms, but lets not talk about that, she has had some bad experiences with mushrooms. Note to self: identifying mushrooms is not as easy as the guidebook says, and apparently if a mushroom is orange that is a bad sign). Can she be blamed really then, for being unable to control herself when she saw that beautiful potato patch? She had already eaten all of the potatoes her mom had bought for the week, and it was hardly like the owner would notice…

Of course Sasha would have been fine if it was “just this once” like she promised herself.  
But who are we kidding. Sasha has even less self control than she does foresight, although a little of either would have warned her against what she did next.  
As in she came back. The very next day. To get more potatoes.  
She had barely entered the garden when things went horribly awry, and she could not understand why. Why were the alarms ringing loudly in her ears, and who was that who appeared suddenly, coming out of the back door of the house?

“Er-erwin Smith?” she stammered, “Wh-what are you doing here?”  
“I live here,” he looked unimpressed.  
“O-okay I’ll just be going then…” Sasha turned around to leave.  
“Not so fast Sasha,” she stiffened when she saw he knew her name, “I know you stole my potatoes.”  
Her eyes widened in fear, “I-I’m sorry, I promise i will never do that again...I-I just really like potatoes,” she finally squeaked. 

Erwin’s eyes flashed and he took three large steps toward her and looked down into her frightened eyes, their faces only inches away.

Softly, which was somehow more terrifying, he asked, “What did you say?”

Sasha’s voice, if it is possible, was even more high pitched than before, “I just really love potatoes.”

Suddenly he hugged her, and she stiffened. 

“This is great!” he exclaimed, “finally I have found someone who shares my love of potatoes! You must know how lonely it is to not know anyone with the same interests…”

Feeling very confused but somewhat relieved that she wasn’t going to die (at least quite yet), Sasha hugged him back.

His voice more serious now, Erwin pulled back and said earnestly, “Sasha, even though we don’t really know each other, you are the only one who understands me… I didn’t believe this to be possible...but I love you.”

“Sasha Braus...will you marry me?”

There was only one way she could respond: “Erwin Smith, i will marry you gladly… on the sole condition that you give me potatoes.”


End file.
